teetalks

Wednesday was full of woe. I was born on a Wednesday so, that adds up.

I saw an old best friend today, she was 50 feet in front of me with her daughter and a friend who had children with her. I could have shouted but really; I didn’t feel any urge, I didn’t feel any longing, I only noticed her. I thought of her the other day and she is summoned by the universe.

I sat under a mulberry tree reading a book and thought, I bet a bird will shit on me.

It did.

Several weeks ago I thought of an old friend who was never really a friend to me, I was to her. She took advantage of my kindness and generosity and availability, my never wanting people to feel alone. She did something super fuckin weird and I haven’t spoken to her since. I was thinking of her in a fleeting “what would I even say to her if she wanted to talk to me?”. I hadnt seen her in person for over a year since the incident, that night, after a simple passing thought, I saw her. She swept by me grazing my shoulder delicately with her fingers and a large smile she always pronounces. I gave a brief smile and kept my gaze on Paul, I was almost flabbergasted but realized, she wasn’t worth the effort.

What else can I think of that will come to me? I went to hot yoga this morning and the instructor said “no one comes to yoga to stay the same” and I realized I have truly transformed so much of myself this year. I almost irrevocably removed a family member from my life. The line is locked but not severed, we’ll see. I don’t carry baggage the same way I did, always let it festering thinking I wont heal.

I always had that knack or gift or magical summoning power. I thought of someone or said their name and there they were.

The thought of them was a phone call, I said their name and within a day I would see them or they would come to me. Now it’s not so strong, maybe it is. I thought of these people and there they are. Maybe honing in whatever connection I have to myself helps me summon whatever I imagine. Whats it called, manifesting? I think maybe it works. I didn’t ask but told the universe that I wanted a love that is meant for me to heal, to feel whole, was easy and pure.

Now I have Paul, we have our home, we have each other and I have angel to help me grieve. I see her as an equal, my friend, my sister; she is a mother actually. Paul wonders if she misses them and I think even in nature, any mother would.

Anyway, I met someone with the same birthday as me today, because I was thinking that recently. I only know one person I share my birthday with.

Say universe, are you listening?

If you are, thanks.