teetalks

I miss this version of myself from a long time ago.

A long time ago, in a galaxy of my mind far far away. I was fun.

I wasn’t so grated by life, relationships, my own thoughts. I always felt alone and that was fine then I guess.

I can be really hot and cold, all or nothing, people around me suffer for it. I suffer for it too.

I rip the bandaid not thinking if whats underneath is healed, or ready to be exposed. Impulsively, emotionally, still immature.

I miss having blue hair and stickers on my face. That was the purest form of seeing myself. I miss her, I think she’s still in there.

I had no expectations, I got taken advantage of in friendships but it didn’t bother me as much when I was younger. Maybe I was naive.

I feel free of expectations now, but I feel I can’t find that young wild version of me. I hear her calling.

Im not sure where Im going, it doesn’t feel backwards or forwards it feels, altogether different. Like I found a new direction to move, inwards and outwards in all directions.

I feel relaxed, but still lost.

“Hand in my pocket” – Alanis Morissette.

Thats how I feel.

Thinking of daisies and neon color tights, tie dye and wacky sneakers. Putting feathers in my hair and thinking about Dr.Seuss.

I feel less like a stranger but more like someone you see on the subway on your commute,and admire.

You see them regularly and don’t quite know them but they’re a part of your day, every day.

Thats who I feel like. Im getting to know her.