teetalks

I think about my birthday coming and being celebrated. Its so funny to think everyone associates leo’s with needing the spotlight. I am my own spotlight, I just would like to be celebrated the way I celebrate others. To be loved is to be known. People have their lives and are busy, I understand. I tend to find close relationships where I put so much energy and receive little in return.

I hope I have not harmed you, in removing my friendship from you. Now you have lost a friend too. I thought of it for a long time, I guess Im still grieving. The hope of a life long friend. We just weren’t meant to be and Im sorry. I was an important role but Im not sure why, it felt like responsibility and not sisterhood.

I hope you’re well, I hope you don’t miss me. That would make me feel sad. I never want to hurt anyone. I just became too exhausted. I still am and maybe thats why Im grieving. Don’t think it was a sudden shift that made me want to leave. It was years of me ignoring myself, which is not your fault.

I wish you magic and joy, love health safety and success. Adventure and whimsy, creativity and peace. Only good things, because my love is not gone. Just shifted.

I celebrate myself , Paul celebrates me every day. My life is good, grand, great.

Recently I was thinking of who he is and how he is to me.

I leave my hair tie on accident, he doesn’t notice.

He uses it.

My tampon is in his garbage, he doesn’t notice.

He takes out the trash.

My books pile up, he notices.

He buys me more.

My clothes fill his closet, he notices.

He helps me organize.

I leave blood on the toilet seat unaware, he notices.

He cleans it.

I am seen and unseen in ways a human can just live. There is no performance, just existing together in a space where I bleed, I cry, I groan, I argue.

He is here and he notices, or doesn’t notice.

I am free. I am safe. My womanhood is not only cherished but supported.

I am hot after work and the air conditioning is already on. My feet are cold and he gives me socks. He reminds me to drink water.

He knows the shift in my tone means I need to eat red meat for a few days. He remembers and notices and is soft for my needs.

I am celebrated by Paul.

That is all.